Estimated reading time: 16 minutes
Table of contents
You have left childhood behind you. The teenage years are over. All things considered, you are in a better position to know. The theory is that life should be easier, but here you are once again at the beginning. You are single, trying to figure out how to go out on your first date.
Don not worry, this is not as difficult as it seems. Finally, settle down with a pen and paper to record your new ideas. Let’s talk about strategy now. You are about to get yourself ready for the adventure. Even before you have figured out whether you will propose or not, you should sit down and figure out a way to do it, it will at least help you relax. Besides all this, it will also demonstrates whether you are ready for the next step.
Considering the person
Be aware of what is the situation and how easily you can manage it.
- Is she available?
- Does she already have a boyfriend?
- What is her situation?
- Is she even interested in men or dating?
It is always a good idea to discover such things in advance.
It should not be too difficult to discover if you see her on a daily or even infrequent basis. Consider how the two of you have interacted together and any thing that you remember.
- Did she give the impression that she was interested in listening to you?
- Was there an obvious attraction?
- How did she express her mood?
- Did she stand close or step back? If she stood as far away from you as possible, you may have to reconsider how to approach.
- Where did the meetings took place?
Context is very important.
The next step is to discover the subjects of these conversations.
- Were there any indicators from her or anyone else there of particular interests?
- Did she mention specific groups or types of music she liked?
- Is she an opera fan or does she prefer rap?
- Did movies come up?
- If so, what genre?
- Does she like video games or did she say she liked hiking, swimming, mountain bike riding or any other outdoor activity?
- Is she the kind of girl who reads, paints or writes in her spare time or for a living?
- Does she like to go out or stay home?
- Does she prefer clubbing or quiet jazz or folk clubs?
- Is she a group person or does she prefer to be alone?
Putting what and where she said it together, will help you. Receptivity s very important. Perhaps even more importantly, it will help you to find out whether or not you shares any mutual interests. Going on a date with someone gives you a general impression of what to expect, where you might like to go and what you might be doing on your first dates. When you know more about her, you will start getting to know her!
Where to Go for the First Date
One of the most critical decisions is where to go on the date. Selecting this may not be easy.
It may not be easy to find the perfect place, but you may both be able to have an enjoyable experience. The most important thing is to start and decide something. It is likely that you will not have a lot of money to spend. You might even be one of the few who is some kind of frugal. But I have to tell you: It will cost you money. Some money will be required and the best advice is: Do not be frugal, enjoy the experience and balance things so you do not compromise your relationship and see this as a way to start to be a little different, do not give money the importance, the person is the most important, never forget that!
The cost for a first date will be influenced by your personal preferences, your finances and whether or not the woman wants to pay for half. Since you asked her out, you are assumed to pay. Plan ahead of time where you want to go. Keep your finances in order.
It does not mean you must go to a fast food restaurant, although there are those who are quite good. When having a dinner or lunch date, a little or a lot more sophisticated food and wine will be better. This is not a Michelin Star dining experience, but it must be good food. It also means you should not be interested in getting the lowest price possible, find a compromise.
For example, if afterwards you are going to two or more movies or other activities, and you see that she proposed to do so, you can even split the costs.
If you decide to go out to a restaurant with her, make sure you know what she likes before you order anything, of course the best way is to let her choose. Some persons are allergic or can not eat certain foods. This applies to everything, there are also people who follow a strict vegan diet.
Also be spontaneous, take her to a concert, a bar or a café, she will love it. You could ask her to be your guest at some parties and have fun with her. And you can take it beyond the obvious…
Dates will provide for great adventures. If your future partner is an sport active, you can organise to go climbing. This is a great place to get a perspective on your stress level, and let her see how you are handling yourself away from the office or some other routine. Take a nice long walk. Do camping, hiking or canyoneering and remember, a date is not tied to conventions.
You could take her to an exhibit where her interests are being manifested or to an exhibit where she has an opportunity to put her skills to use. This could be a retirement home for animals or an adventure park. These may not be romantic to someone else but to a lover of romance they are. It shows that you are concerned about her areas of interest.
A caution here. You should not try to pretend to be interested in something that does not excite you just because she is. You will reveal your phony schemes. There has to be something that you both enjoy and are good at doing. In order to be truly creative, you need to be authentic. But first, you must actually have either climbed rocks or flown paraglider before organising or bragging about it. This way of telling or living the adventure is extremely flattering. It will show your personal progressiveness in expanding your horizons. However, if you fake something like that, think again because you could fail and make things worse.
Also keep this point in mind, do not start finalizing plans and outlines of a date until you have asked her out on a date. It is always a good idea to have a back-up plan.
There are numerous preparations you should make before your first or any future date. Your personal hygiene is extremely important. You must always present yourself well but do not overdo it. If you want to seem unpretentious, do not dress up.
To ask a girl out, you have to take one of these two approaches: You can be straightforward or subliminal. You should know that each has its particular appeal and flaws. You have to know your own level of self-confidence, your level of ability, and your own opinion. You must also understand the woman’s status. Is this idea likely to succeed? Some would argue that it is better to be vague rather than specific.
There is only one straight path. To be direct, all you have to do is tell the truth. Simplicity is the key. You can say everything in one breath and then you will be understood.
The direct approach enables you to be extremely clear in your intentions, it is very successful on women.
Time needed: 15 minutes.
This approach allows both you to be gracious in accepting or rejecting a proposal and it provides choices. You can use the filling approaches:
“Hi. How would you like to get together sometime?” Indirect.
I’m planning to go see/attend/visit _____thisweek. Are you interested in coming with me? Direct
- Direct & Indirect
I have tickets to see ______, care to join me? Direct and indirect.
I’m having several people from ____ and some friends over for a get together/football game/the Oscars etc. this/next weekend. Care to join us? Indirect.
- Indirect & Direct
Is it true you really enjoy ballroom dancing, salsa, Monty Python, Chagall, this group/ this performer, etc.? I have tickets to this show/concert/ exhibit etc. Would you care to join me? Indirect and Direct.
Several of us are going to ____? Care to join us? Indirect.
Would you like to play tennis/golf etc. with me some day next week? Direct.
Maybe we could get together for a drink/coffee some time. Indirect.
I’ve heard you like Westerns or Alfred Hitchcock or foreign films? So do I. Next week, ____ is holding a marathon. Care to join me? Indirect.
I want to try ___. I hear you’re an expert. Could you teach me? Indirect.
While there are differences between the two approaches, they can be used together. Also, you need to think about how you will set off the date. Where are you going to meet her? Are you meeting her at the workplace, on the way out or as she is leaving? As you will find, you will have to look things up. You may talk to her about it at lunch or during a coffee break. When she is exercising, you should avoid getting in her way. She might be able to talk to you when she is not busy.
The phone, social media as well as e-mails are also an option. It helps to be somehow lazy. You can use a well-prepared script from which to write. It is unpersonal and you need to follow up unless you have it arranged a date. This ia a good preparation to meet off-line and ask her out. So you can use the internet to get in touch with her and ask her out on a date. It may be a great and more easy opportunity.
It’s all up to you. This is between you and her. When she is alone, make an effort to get her to date you, it is the best for both of you. Mostly people enjoy privacy and it is more difficult and embarrassing to ask others if they are with someone else. Especially if she has already rejected you before.
I have a Question, do you have an Answer?
The day arrives. You are groomed and prepped for the event. In a few minutes or hours, you will be back in the dating game, you hope. Here are a few more tips to consider.
- Be assertive but not aggressive in your approach. Do not come on like barnstormers.
- Be confident but not cocky.
- Be real. Most women can spot a phony a mile away.
- Do not make this seem like the fate of the world lies in the balance. It is a date, not the be-all and end-all.
- Listen carefully to what you are saying.
- Listen even more carefully to what she replies.
- Consider it a learning process. You have not dated in a long or even longer time.
- If she says “Yes,” celebrate quietly. Say ‘great’ or something similar then go back to present.
- If she rejects you, do not take it to heart. As the book says, “She’s just not into you.” It is better to find that out now than later (but you can gently insist…). Look at it as an experience. Practice will make perfect IF you learn from it.
No matter how well you do on your first attempt, you have now made the first move in a new romance. If the first date does go well, you may fall in love. If it doesn’t, perhaps you will never see the person again. If she did or did not accept the offer you made with your affections, it will be only the first of many hurdles we face in this sometimes crazy, but never dull, world of dating.
You have got the date and you are anxious to go. Bu now you are thinking what will you be talking about? You will have to socialize. You will have to say some statements. Finally, you must LISTEN. In fact, the flow of the conversation will improve if you listen closely. Providing a short response is all you need to do.
A few pointers on conversation
You already know some of the subjects she finds interesting, so it will be easy to talk about them. Make an effort to educate yourself about them so you can follow her reasoning. If you are lacking in knowledge or skill in this area, admit it. Ask her about it but tell her you that you are too busy to have the time to read it. Whatever she says, treat her opinions seriously and her feelings with respect. Your first date may end in disappointment but you learned from it!
Whether you are going to a movie, to the concert or to the theatre, communication should be effortless. If you have something you would like to talk about, do not be shy, bring it up and discuss it. Speak about the film, the story, the acting, the lighting, the script and all other issues related to the movie. Another work by the screenwriter, director, or actor, as in someone or something that the work was based on, etc. Do not assume you are correct, take note of what she says, It does not matter whether you accept it or not. You can discuss about it. Give credit where credit is due but do not take it to seriously, please…
Trying to get better at talking might make you more interesting but if you are afraid of failing in social situations, stay in your group. With this, you no longer have to worry about obligation. It can loosen up the date to have an informal feel to it. Of course, if you are timid, this may also work in your favor.
Select your position with care. Mix your skills, interests and your talent / capabilities with hers. Do not make a lot of small talk, you must concentrate on listening and speaking, please do not try to do both at the same time. It is important to avoid centering all your interactions on yourself if you want an engaging and enriching dating experience. The outcome of any date will be the same if the main focus is you: failure.
Bonus: Single dad dating tips
Despite a separation, divorce, or the death of your partner, you are on your own. It may have been hard at first but the task is much more difficult with all the new responsibilities on you. You are the primary responsible. You have a teenager or younger who makes unreasonable demands on you. You have to wonder whether you have the resources to pursue a new relationship.
Finding a mate and raising a child do not always go hand in hand. You have to keep everyone happy. At the same time, you want to be an entertaining and pleasant date. To succeed you will have to be highly responsive and flexible.
First Things First
Admit it and accept it. Although you have decided to pursue the first woman you met as your first date, be honest about your current situation. Pretending just to be single is a bad idea because in addition you are a parent. This is the perfect opportunity to hear from the baby sitter or the children while you are out on your date. If your child gets sick or produces a situation that requires your presence, you may have to cancel on short notice.
Discuss your plans with your children. It is not important for them to know all the details. Knowing that you plan to date shows that you are sharing with them. Tell them that you are not going to take their mother’s place. It is important to remain positive and loving in your heart about their existence. You must involve them in all aspects of your life. You must also let your family know, they must be aware that a female friendship improves your well-being and happiness.
Selecting your date
As a single father, your demands will likely be different from those younger ones, the style of your preparations will vary because you mast also take into account the needs of your children, a baby-sitter may be needed. You will need to be ready to take these calls.
You must be home when you are supposed to be home. There is less of a margin for error. You will have to coordinate your plans in advance, so do not rush in this situations.
Be aware that all this does not mean that you are seeking someone who loves your children but, although you may not be looking for a person who loves your children, you do want someone who can understand your situation. And if that person does not agree or are not in sync with your children or your situation, if you are not feeling good about it or under the slightest suspicion, abandon the relationship!
Preparation for your first date is almost exactly the same to what we discussed before. You should prepare thoroughly. Try to find out what she likes and does not like. It is important that you look confident, well-groomed and fresh when you ask her out. Always tell the truth about your family’s life. There will be no other date if you ignore or deceive her on this.
Where to Go
A guy’s initial choice for a first date says a lot about him and a girl’s choice says a lot about the girl. Always keep your options open: movies, dinner, a concert or lunch. You can go for a picnic or on a walk together.
You will have more free time if the children are away for a while. You will be able to get rid of some of the stress, too. You may want to find a baby-sitter if you need more time. And your date should know about this.
A different idea is organising a date together with the family. It could also mean trouble but generally, the woman has little or no knowledge of you, unless you are in the public eyes, and please do not take your children along on your first date.
The child on the first date – no, do not, do not do this, You should never take your date to a kids’s or family’s event. They have not added your partner to their life yet.
What do We Talk About?
For some people, conversation is awkward, they find it difficult to manage. Conversation is vital but not one-way communication. So what topic would you use to engage?
No one should shy away from discussing their own beliefs and their relationships. It will reflect your life’s experience and your personality, it is what you are made of…. Or, possibly, it was the fact that she liked you…. I must repeat that, do not allow yourself talking to much about your family. The adults are in charge tonight. Speaking about your children or family as soon as you meet is inappropriate and premature.
To participate in a conversation, you must express yourself with words and feelings. Leave her to her own opinions. Do not stop her from telling her story. Discover and discuss subjects that are interesting to both of you. Avoid talking about work, even if you work together. If you have attended a movie or live music event lately, mention it. Discuss about food, lifestyle, dietary preferences and other trendy themes.
If you have any doubts about your ability to talk, then go out with some of your friends and practice and exchange ideas about what do talk about with woman, their experiences, let your imagination flow…
Wish you the best of luck and please take care